


Lost In My Mind

by alexandredumas_eatyourheartout



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Beating, Bitterness, Brother Feels, Brotherly Angst, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Curse Breaking, Dark Past, Depression, Family Issues, Gen, Insanity, Insomnia, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Lazarus Pit, Memories, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Nightmares, Pain, Partial Mind Control, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Physical Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Resurrected Jason Todd, Resurrection, Sad, Smoking, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Teen Jason Todd, The Author Regrets Everything, The Mindscape, Triggers, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Young Jason Todd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandredumas_eatyourheartout/pseuds/alexandredumas_eatyourheartout
Summary: (*SOME TRIGGERS*)How do you run from your mind? You can't, considering your head is attached to your body. The fact was Jason could never run from his mind, no matter how fast he went.Now his brothers have to save him before it's too late. Will they save his mind, or lose him forever?(Rated Teen because I'm paranoid but there isn't super graphic stuff. I'm still rating it as graphic because it might get to that point.)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance. This could make you cry, but this is what happened to Jason. I'm merely the messenger. But do feel free to shoot me for making you cry.

Klarion grinned widely as he stroked his cat. "I suppose this shouldn't be too hard, your minds are fairly _weak_ , " he sneered, quickly reaching out. He barely glimpsed into Jason's mind before grinning wider.

"Oh, what a perfectly twisted mind. No, I think they'll have much more fun trying to fix him, " he snickered before snapping his fingers.

Jason felt a sudden pressure, it built up, tearing at his mind. He ripped off his helmet and clasped his hands to his temples. Jason tore at his scalp, screaming in anguish as the devil child worked his curse into Jason's mind. The blood ran down his neck as it trickled out his ears, screams melting into labored breathing. Nightwing rushed to his aid, as Zatanna stood forward.

"Uoy lliw ton mrah mih!" She screamed but felt her magic fizzle weakly against it. No, this was no ordinary curse.

"If you cannot find his state of mind, you'll be left in it, " and before they could blink the demon child stepped through a portal, leaving a sinister chuckle in his wake.

Zatanna turned to find Nightwing and M'gann huddled around Jason, puddles of his blood slowly pooling beneath them. Beads of sweat gathered at his forehead as if fighting off an unseen pressure. For all they knew he could be fighting something far worse.

Nightwing turned to her, "What happened?"

"I, I don't know. Klarion cursed him but I can't undo it. At least, not alone that is, " she said carefully.

Nightwing raised an eyebrow, "What does that mean?"

"It means you have to go into the realm of his mind and save him, " Zatanna said gravely.

Nightwing blinked, "And if we can't?"

Zatanna looked down at Jason, feeling altogether sorry for him. She had seen his mind once before through their bond with M'gann. It was not pretty.

"He dies."

  
  


~∆∆~∆~∆~∆∆~

"You're telling me that Jason is gonna die if we don't go into his mind and, what, pull it back from this mindscape realm?" Tim questioned suspiciously. 

Zatanna nodded, "Yes."

"I don't see why we can't leave him like this, it's never been so peaceful," Damian drolled, poking at his distant expression. The screaming had stopped but Jason wasn't fine. His eyes glazed over, staring into nothing was not something normal.

Dick scowled, "Damian, Jason could _die_. Do you really want him to die?"

Damian bristled, he and Todd had never been the closest. Both shared a tendency to lean towards violence, making them outcasts of a sort, considering Bruce hated violence. Perhaps he had tried to kill him once, but Jason never lingered on the past. No, Damian didn't want him to die. As reluctant as he was to admit it, Todd had grown on him in a sort of manner that made it impossible to see life without his awful jokes and innuendo.

Damian pinched the bridge of his nose, finally sighing in compliance. "What are we to do then?"

Dick softened, proud of his brother. The sentiment did not last. "Zatanna?"

The female magician rolled up her sleeves, "I can transport you to the realm but my powers will only last so long. If you fail to bring his mind back then… You remain trapped and he dies." 

Dick glanced at his brothers, "You think we can do this?"

"For Jason, we can try, " Tim stated. "He deserves it."

"I suppose he does, " Damian grumbled.

Dick looked back to Zatanna, "Send us in." Zatanna hugged him tightly, "Be careful. That realm is dangerous, and knowing Jason? It could be a painful process."

Dick managed a smile, "I think we can handle it. Thanks, Z, " he looked back to his brothers, 

"You ready?" They nodded.

"Alright, I can keep you there for an hour, no more than that, " she stepped back and breathed in deeply. "Clear your minds, please."

They closed their eyes, trying to forget the criticality of their situation. Zatanna's eyes began to glow as she chanted a few phrases, hands hovering above Jason's temples.

"Ekat meht ot eht mlaer fo sdnim, " she commanded, with a snap of her fingers the brothers were gone.

"Good luck, you three, " she whispered.

  
  


~∆~∆~∆~∆~∆~

  
  


Dick opened his eyes and looked around. Nothing but utter gloom. Damian punched a timer into his watch, clicking it on. "An hour set. Shall we begin?"

Tim brushed himself off, "Is this the mindscape realm?" Everything was darkness, except it wasn't. There was a clear path that lead to a door about twenty feet away from them.

"Must be. I'm guessing we go through the door?" Dick suggested, walking towards it. Damian peered around into the darkness, the tugging at his gut reminding him to stay alert.

"It's empty, as one would expect of Todd's mind, " Damian snorted as they neared the door. 

Dick hushed him, "It's not really his mind. Or at least that's what Z said, she did mention that his 'mind' had been transported here, leaving Jason in an almost soulless state."

"Same difference."

Tim rolled his eyes, "Bickering isn't gonna help."

Dick paused, and Tim looked at him, "What's wrong?" 

Dick nodded before him, and Tim turned around to see what he meant. A young boy stood before the door, the brightest blue eyes they had ever seen staring back at them. A mess of dark curls sat atop his head, giving him an even more boyish look.

"Are you here to save him?" The child asked, voice small and entirely hopeful.

Dick shook himself out of his alarm. "Yeah, we are. Are you…?"

"Jason? I was," he said quietly, fiddling with his shirt. "I'll help you now, okay?"

Dick felt his heart stutter, "O-okay, Jason. Thank you."

Young Jason, as Tim decided to name him, opened the door. "Good luck."

Dick walked through, Tim came up to him. "That was Jason when he was younger, right? I'm not the only one seeing this, am I?" 

Damian looked back and the child was gone, "This is a new level of frightening for you, isn't it Drake?"

"I mean yeah, " Tim said, before humming. "No, new level scary is seeing you smile."

"Drake, I will not hesitate to stab you-"

"Guys!" Dick yelled, pointing to their surroundings. "Look.'

They did, and they were in a house. A small living room, where a small toddler sat beneath the table, ignorant to the arguing of his parents.

"Willis, you can't keep doing this! Don't you see that He won't give you another chance?" The woman, Catherine Todd as Dick recalled from Jason's file, screamed at her husband.

"It doesn't matter anymore! The only way im keeping this roof over your head is by doing what I do!" He argued before leaving the house with a slam of the door.

"Willis Todd. Ex henchmen of Two-Face. Not long after Catherine died of an overdose while expectant of a child, his father was sentenced to life in prison." Damian said.

Tim swallowed, "I remember. She was a drug addict, almost 9 months pregnant. Miscarriage."

Dick felt the weight of Jason's reality sink in as they faded into a dimmer room, full of tile. Jason was on the floor, cradling a woman in his arms, crying. Sudden waves of grief bashed the brother over the head, Dick walked towards the figures but stopped.

"Please mama, " the boy cried quietly, "Don't go."

The corpse didn't reply, and Jason sobbed harder. _He was too late._ Tim knew what happened, she had finally overdosed. He faintly recalled Jason telling him this story, on a harder night when nightmares kept them both awake. Voices appeared from the corners, chanting his failure, taunting him. Dick felt his eyes well up as they bounced to the next scene. A wet alleyway, Jason lay huddle beneath a discarded box. 

_Starving_. He looked like a corpse, and he must have been. Shivering from the cold Gotham air, hugging his knees closer to his chest. His cheeks sunk in, fists scraped over from scratching them raw. Dick felt the urge to grab Jason and hug him closes reminding him that he cared, but it was a memory of the past. They could feel it, a small portion of the mind-numbing pain as his stomach at away at itself, desperate for a single crumb. It burned, distracting him from the cold surrounding him.

"He looks so hungry," Tim's voice cracked. 

Never once had he gone without a meal, yeah he didn't have the best eating habits but he had never been emaciated because of it. Damian felt some remorse at how pathetic Todd looked but agreed.

"I may have had a horrible childhood, but I was never starved."

"I never…." Dick trailed brokenly, realizing how ignorant he had been. So self-centered he had acted during Jason's time as Robin.

A small tug on his hand made him jump, young Jason looked up at him. "It's scary, isn't it?"

Dick managed a nod, another memory-making its appearance as they shifted through his past. Jason looked a bit healthier, and out of breath. He was running away from a man. Two men now, one had cut him off from making a clean exit.

"Of course," Damian recollected. "Todd was a thief."

Tim could feel as Jason got slammed into the wall, caught by two other men. They dragged him off his knees and help him up, spitting cruel names at him, before kneeing him in the gut, and throwing him to the floor.

"No," Tim whimpered, closing his eyes as the first kick was blown.

Dick clamped a hand over his mouth, watching in horror. Jason was not even close to healthy enough to undergo a beating from four full-grown men. Not long after the second kick did his blood paint the concrete, they finally left him there, writhing in agony. Jason coughed, blood and saliva dripping down his chin. Damian was positive Jason was suffering from internal bleeding and a broken rib or three. The way he was built was scarcely enough to withstand a beating from one man let alone four.

"Fucking bastards, " he gasped, doubling Iver in pain. _God, there could be internal bleeding._

"Holy shit, " Tim whispered, "We can hear his thoughts."

"I'm afraid Zatanna never mentioned the side effects, " Dick ached at the sight of Jason. Already so angry with the world.

They watched him steal, again and again, sometimes he got caught. When he did it was unbearable to witness. Fleeing from the police and everything else that was out to harm him, Jason was always on the run. Till that fated night when he found the Batmobile in the alleyway. He was working on the second tired when he felt the shadow swallow him whole.

"Ahem."

Jason turned around, mind screaming at him to run because Batman was standing _right_ in _front_ of him. But he stayed put. Because Jason was a fighter before he even knew how to fight.

"You do realize that's the batmobile, right?"

Jason scoffed, "Duh. You do realize you parked in _crime alley,_ right?"

Tim wanted to laugh but merely grimaced. "Of course he would."

Damian's nose twitches, he glanced at the timer. "We have 45 minutes left."

"Oh God," Dick fretted, "How are we gonna make it?" 

As if the darkness had heard his cries the second doors appeared. The brothers watched Jason's last memory before he became Robin. He and Batman sat atop the batmobile, eating together in silence. That moment forged a bond between the two, one that made Jason realize not all grown-ups we're like the rest. Dick closed his eyes as he felt Jason's relief wash over him. The memories faded away was the entrance sat before them. 

"I don't think this door is going to be any better than the first," Tim sighed, "I don't like this. I can feel all the pain, the _voices-_ How long has he lived like this?"

"Too long, " Robin mumbled as he appeared from nowhere. "I'm here to help you through the next door."

Dick swallowed, remembering the times they were ahead. Jason- the _Robin,_ looked healthy. Much stronger, his body finally well-fed under Bruce's care, yet his mind tarnished by childhood pain. Dick could do this, one more door. _Just a door. How bad could it be?_ Robin gazed at the three, waiting with an impatient frown. 

"Well?" He finally spoke.

Tim stepped forward, "We're ready."

Robin gave a sad shake of his head and unlocked the door, walking into the shadows. "Alright then."


	2. Sweet Little Birdy Don't You Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian gripped his hand, nodding firmly as Tim took his other. Just one last door. 
> 
> "One last door."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MAJOR TRIGGERS* I warn you, this chapter has the death/ torture of Jason Todd. I advise you It might not be that gruesome but better safe than sorry. I definitely felt a lot of conflicts because in one hand im a jerk and on the other hand I'm a jerk. But do I care? No. I am soulless. I am the abyss. Anyways, please read at your own risk.

The second door closed behind them and faded away. Tim and Damian looked around, waiting for the memory to appear. Dick almost dreaded it, he must have known what was coming and realizing that did _not_ help. Jason was Robin, leaping from building to building, so optimistic. That's what Jason was, he was a bird. Free, flying and fighting against what he had suffered from all his life. Dick felt so proud because Bruce had opened up again, and Jason got a fairly good home, even if Bruce was… well, _Bruce_. 

Robin reappeared behind Tim, startling the teen. He smirked, "These were his happier memories, being Robin.”

Dick bites the inside of his cheek, "And his… Worst memories?”

Robin’s playful expression fades, "You’ll see.”

"Bruce, I can't believe you, you know that?” Dick felt his heart shrivel up, as he turned around and saw himself, through Jason's eyes.

Dick, himself, was unrecognizable- to Dick at least. The raw anger and hurt in his eye was just… He wanted to forget that, have it wiped from his mind, but he couldn't. Because it was here, in Jason. _Forever_.

"First me, now him? When will it end? Your _stupid_ crusade for _justice_ , this kid he needs a _family_ , a real family! Not-not just punching bad guys and risking his life for your war, ” he sneered, clenching his fists. Bruce, as usual, was impassive.

"Dick, he's fine, ” Bruce went to continue but Dick just scoffed.

"Fine? _Fine?_ Is that what you call this? It's ludicrous, Bruce. What happens when he gets older and realizes your little escapade will never end? What, you're gonna tell him how to live his life forever? Or throw him aside and find a new orphan?” Dick said in disgust, shaking his head. ”I don't want anything to do with you, Bruce, and Jason? I..." He without a word.

Just one of the many arguments Jason witnessed, Dick realizes. Slowly but surely, Jason's annoyance grows into hatred for the elder Robin. The golden child. He sees, even if he is gone, Bruce does not fail to remind Jason that he will _never_ be Dick Grayson, the _first_ Robin.

”Dick never acted like this, you should know better.” Batman barked at teen Jason, who was filled with resentment. 

”Oh yeah? Well, maybe you forget that I didn't have a nice comfy life with parents that gave a damn about me!” Jason snarled, ”You always compare me to him, I'm trying my all, I swear Bruce. Once, just once I went with my gut, no one died.”

”You shattered his collar bone, ” Batman roared, still fighting about their previous bust. ”We could have used him to get the information we needed.”

Jason scoffed, ”I'm sorry, I didn't realize I need to prop some pillows up for him! He's a drug-dealing pimp, what do you expect Bruce? People like that don't give two shits about what they do.”

”Language,” Was all Bruce said, pulling down his cowl. ”Go to bed.” 

”I'm not your-”

Bruce stood and turned on him, ”You are under my roof, in my house, under my rules. I said go to bed. Now.”

Jason scowled furiously, before turning and stomping past Alfred. Tim felt sorry for Jason, sure Bruce was a bit harsh but he never really yelled at him before- Except for that one time with the spleen... Damian didn't really see the problem, considering Todd had gone against father's word. More anger, bitterness, festering inside Jason. Dick realized if it wasn't Bruce's fault, it was his own. Forgetting birthdays, arguing, leaving, repeat. Dick was a broken record Jason had grown to loathe. That hurt, knowing Dick could have prevented this all? If only he hadn't been so indifferent.

An inconvenience.

That's what Jason felt he was. Jason felt like he was a blemish in Bruce's plans, something that wasn't needed and could easily be wiped away. Each day he ached to have those moments where Bruce felt like the father he was supposed to be. Every day he fell down the path that forged his downfall. 

Tim watched Dick carefully, knowing this was painful and most of these memories were about him being violent and bitter. Dick seemed frozen, eyes impelled to watch all his past mistakes, ones he no doubts loathed himself for.

Tim reached for his shoulder, shaking it softly. ”Hey, you uh, you good there?”

No reply. Tim squeezed harder, and Dick blinked to reality. ”Huh? Yeah no just, I'm fine.”

”You've always been a bad liar, Grayson,” Damian rolled his eyes, feeling a sudden rush through him. All teens focused on the next memory.

_She's alive, she's alive,_ Jason thought. His real mother, because recently he had discovered his mother Catherine Todd, was not his _real_ mother. No, his birth mom was still out there, and approval of Bruce or not Jason would find her… the excitement in them faded to dread as the next door appeared, red bubbling and oozing down the door, fading into a sickly black.

”This-this is good right? We’re moving on, closer to Jason, closer to saving him, ” Tim felt his stomach drop into the black abyss beneath them, the dread seeping into them, slowly grabbing at his mind.

"I think it's only going to get harder, " Dick wavered before opening the door.

  
  


* * *

"Batman?" Jason whimpered, words muffled by the bag over his head, he was in chair hands and feet bound. Dick felt a chill race down his spine, his voice was so _broken_.

"Batman's not coming to save you, Jason." Joker's voice was a haunting screech on their ears, tearing the sack of his head.

Tim slapped a hand over his mouth. Jason was barely recognizable through the blood and bruises, mask half tore off his face.

"He'll come," Jason uttered. _He will. He always does._

"It's been hours, Jason. It's time to face facts," he rasped, placing his hands on Jason's shoulders.

"Screw you, " he snapped, earning a cackle from the deranged clown.

"That's the spirit! You're a real chip off the ol', bat block. Not that it'll do you any good, " he finished ruefully.

"Why won't you just kill me, " Jason croaked.

"Kill you? No no no, I'm not gonna kill you. Not yet anyway, " he explained, pacing before him. 

"I'll make it easy for you to understand, " he took the crowbar in hand, tapping it against his palm. 

Dick braced for it, that gut-wrenching sound for bone being shattered. He wanted to close his eyes but he couldn't, they were wide open, unwilling to close- forcing him to share Jason's pain.

"Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind." He swung forward, hitting him square in the chest, knocking him out of the chair he was in. 

Joker always smiled with his work. It wasn't shocking, but it never got any less sickening. Jason heard the bones break before felt it. But oh he felt it, felt his bones twist and stretch, then break. the shards pierced his lungs, embedding themselves inside of them, Jason screamed once, a sound no one should make. Once he tried to take a breath, he couldn't, he was drowning. He was going to drown by choking on his own blood _._ Damian merely closed his eyes, trying not to upset what little control he had on his gag reflex. Tim, on the other hand, clutched at his stomach and _struggled_ against the urge to throw up, even though there was nothing, somehow he could feel it just enough.

The warm liquid slowly filled Jason until he couldn't hold it back. The blood finally came up, along with the bones. Scratching and grating Jason's insides until it finally escaped. But then more came, the endless outpour never ceasing. After what felt like an eternity, the vomiting stopped and Jason finally took a breath, oh how sweet oxygen had tasted. Riddled with the copper of his blood. Dick wanted to cry, and it took a moment for him to realize he _wa_.

"Only thirty minutes?" Jason groaned, _he_ was still here, and he almost seemed surprised. 

"They usually go for double that! Although I suppose our little birdy has to regurgitate its food, eh?" He cackled wildly, watching him writhe in pain.

Jason struggled to move, slowly his pain turned into panic. _Shit shit, I can't feel my fingers, shit._ He glared up at the man, no, not even a man. A shell of something that could have been human at one point. That's who the Joker was. Jason wanted to fight back, he could easily do it, but at this point, he was positive his body was going to shatter whole.

_Crac_. Blood made it appear once more, sending Jason into a fit of coughing. "That looked like it really hurt, " Joker sighed.

_Please,_ he begged for his life to end, for the pain to be gone.

But it didn't stop.

Joker didn't stop. And it was cruel, every agonized scream Jason let out pierced his brothers down to their soul. They were helpless. Bruce didn't make it in time, and they wondered- where was he? Why did he not crash through a window and save him? _Why?_

Jason felt what little life he had left slowly leech into the frigid stone floor. The Joker gripped his hair, "Aw, tsk tsk, the other Robin had a bit more fight in him."

Jason worked up whatever muscle he had left and spit on the Joker, smiling through the blood and the anguish his body was in.

"Jason, _n_ , " Dick whispered weakly.

The Joker slammed his face into the concrete, earning another groan. "Really now, the other Robin had much better manners. Just rude, " he blotted the blood away, pressing a foot into Jason's chest, a deafening crunch filled the room.

"Guess I'll just have to teach you some manners."

More suffering. Tim had long since closed his eyes, curling into a ball, blocking out the screams of agony that pecked at his mind. Dick, still paralyzed with fear merely held Damian to his chest, making sure the child did not see anything. As if Damian himself hadn't experienced or beheld this sort of misery.

"Well, anyway, do your homework, stay in school, " Joker wiped the blood from his crowbar and before he closed the doors leaving Jason, with the bomb ticking away, he cracked a vicious grin. "Do say hi to the big man for me."

"No!" Dick shouted hoarsely, Tim holding him back as the building went up in flames. It wasn't real, they knew but it _happened._ That makes it real in the past.

"God, if I had answered his calls, if I had bee _there_ he would have _never_ , " Dick choked out, fighting the overwhelming flood of tears. Tim held him close, "Dick, it's over now… he… Jason is okay."

Damian glanced at his watch, his nose twitched, he disliked that insipid clown even more now. Sadly he would only wound him enough to keep him immobilized for the rest of his miserable life.

"We have 25 minutes," Damian broke in, "Grayson, pull yourself together. We know Todd's sorrow, now we must take that and carry it with us as he did. But for now? Focus on saving him. Agreed?"

Dick managed a nod, feeling a harsh glow on his back. The last door, he assumed- he prayed- was disgustingly green and oozing liquid everywhere. The Lazarus Pit. _No,_ Dick closed his eyes. _I can't._

Damian gripped his hand, nodding firmly as Tim took his other. _Just one last door._

_"One last door."_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please cut me some slack for I am foolish and heartless and we'll I suck at writing gore and such. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! The last two chapters are rolling around.


	3. Take My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too soon.
> 
> Her magic worked too son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk guys, this was hard for me to get out into words, so, here we go.

Darkness. A surge of energy, slowly bringing him back as Jason was swallowed in darkness, the smell of a rotten something filling his nose. His brothers watched in horror as he slowly felt the realization dawn on him.

"Batman?" He whispered, putting his hands up, panicking when he felt wood in his way. He clawed at it, pulling back in pain. "Bruce?" 

Hands shakily searched his pockets, nothing was there. Of course, Bruce Wayne could never allow anything to compromise his oh so precious secret. He managed to break through his coffin, slowly but surely the wood gave way. Jason fought through the pain as it cut through his fingers, nearly raw to the bone. He finally broke through the earth, gasping for air. 

"He wasn't lying when he said he crawled back from hell," Damian broke the silence. "God, what on earth made this happen?"

Tim looked to Dick, "Superboy. I remember him saying something along the lines of punching a hole through reality."

Soon the darkness swallowed them again, and there was nothing, no sound, no light. And a surge of electricity filled them, overwhelmed them as they were swallowed in green.  _ Lazarus Pit. _ Damian had often watched his own grandfather cheat death by dipping himself in the vile green depths. Never had he imagined it to be an experience so excruciating and invigorating all at once, they watched as Jason's shriveled body was reanimated into life once more.

Every part of him felt as if the limb had been ripped from his socket, and stitched back. Again and again, he felt himself being put back together in the strangest of ways. The green liquid dulled his screams as it ran down his throat, filling him, singeing his flesh.

_ Everything burned. _

Slowly as he drowned Jason couldn't help but feel a new life filling him, but another thing had been taken. Yes, a life for a life, soul for a soul, the pit survived on the balance of its nature. And so in giving Jason life, it took what was left of the poor boy's broken spirit, weeding its way into his heart. Unnatural, is what this was. You should never reawaken the death by means of the pit, of course, no one had known Talia's plans. But no one stopped them.

_ Jason was alive _ . As he stood in the green pool, coughing up what had filled him. Dick could hear the tormented sounds of screaming in his ears, how they never really went away even as he began his training by Talia's command. And as soon as he learned Bruce couldn't help himself with his neverending war, the minute Jason knew there was another in his stead? It tipped the scales of his sanity over.

"He…replaced me?" Jason looked at Talia, irked by her incredible lack of surprise at this news.

"Yes, he has. I'm afraid that even your  _ death _ could not end Batman's war. Nevertheless, it cannot stop you, Jason Todd. You are alive for a reason," she reached for him. "You know what you must do."

Jason couldn't hear her at that moment, all he could hear, all he could  _ feel _ we're the screams getting louder and louder. 

_ He replaced you. _

His heart, if he had any left, was deeply wounded. There was no remorse in him, instead, the pit urged his anger,  _ thrived _ upon it, as it slowly ate at his soul. There would be no more Jason Todds, no more Robins. He had one mission left, one mission alone.

"He wanted to kill Bruce," Tim echoed weakly, feeling a clenching in his stomach. "He was so hurt… Be me being there. He just…"

Dick hugged Tim, "No no, it wasn't you. Or Bruce. Remember who took him from us, it was Joker. Never you."

_ I should have been there, _ Dick thought angrily, broken by his selfishness.  _ I could have been there, I could have saved him… _ The pain was immense, even worse was knowing all he could do to stop it, and yet he didn't.

"As touching as this was, we have 20 minutes left," Damian chimed in, pointing to his watch. Dick was frantic, "Okay, where's the door then?"

"You forgot something, idiots."

The three whirled around, and there he was.  _ Jason _ .

"Oh my God, Jason, I-" Dick gushed but was silenced by his lifeless glare. "Don't. So you came after me. Of course, you dumbasses couldn't let it go, could you?" He seemed tired, but irate nonetheless. There was no glint in his eye, no life to his gaze.

Dick faltered, "What, what do you mean?"

"I mean I'm not going back," was all he said, looking him dead in the eye. Tim remained quiet and watched as so many emotions rose in his elder brother. All fleeting, but a few were anger, hurt, frustration, sorrow, grief.

"Jason, please, we lost you once," his voice gave out, and Dick was finally tired of pretending to be happy. "I don't wanna lose you again."

"It's for the best, Richard. Tell Bruce I'm sorry, really. I was an asshole to everyone, and I'll die that way." Jason could only offer this as some sort of comfort.

"Todd, we did not go through your personal hells just for you to be a coward. You are coming back with us whether you want to or not," Damian argued, so small, but sincere in his words. Determined. One trait Jason could admire in the kid.

"Nice to know past all the bloodshed you care, Damian," Jason bent down to his size and offered the smallest of smiles, fighting to go hold back the tears. "I may have hated your guts, and you may have loathed mine but… you're family."

Damian pulled away, appalled by the small happiness he felt at being told such a thing. "Disgusting. Don't you dare end yourself like this, I will drag you back myself." 

Jason ruffled his hair, "You always were determined. I liked that."

Dick was still trying to find a valid argument, but when it was his turn to face Jason, he couldn't. "Don't do this."

Jason turned to see Tim, teary-eyed, lip quivering in anger. "You can't do this. Don't give up, not after everything you've been through. Please?"

Again lifeless dark green was clashing with those sorrowful icy depths. Jason couldn't tell what it was with him- if it was guilt, sorrow, anger, maybe all three? He truly couldn't tell, it was all so strange. The bond between these two had never been strong, but Jason knew Tim was the one he related to most. Dick was too perfect, entirely too emotional for him. Damian was Damian, and they had never gotten along. But Tim? The tired and broken bird, afflicted by so many things?

Yes, Jason could relate. Those restless nights where sleep eluded them, instead, their minds had been afflicted by nightmares that never went away. Such a fickle thing their sanity was, each holding in by lesser of a there read. The clock was ticking away, quickly. Jason would be gone soon, taken by the cruel tick of time.

"Please?" He repeated once more, more desperate than the last. Jason barely shook his head, "Go, Tim. Live your life."

"No."

Everyone looked to Tim, who was past holding back the tears, as they trickled down his face. "You can't just throw it all away. How can you say 'go live your life' when you won't live yours?"

Jason blinked, "I've lived mine, Tim. I came back, remember? If you die more than once you know the world is trying to get rid of you," he chuckled weakly, dropping his shoulders. "I know you have too, I know. And you've seen too many friends die. And I guess I count as a friend now, maybe family? I think we've gotten past me trying to kill you. But point aside, Tim, you're doing good for this godforsaken world."

Jason turned away from him, and looked to Dick, "I know what you're thinking, Dick. You're an asshole for thinking you can sacrifice yourself for me. But you've always been an asshole with the best intentions. I'm sorry…"

"Why are you sorry? _I'ma_ the one that failed you. I was acting selfishly the whole time, and when you came back… I was angry because you weren't you. I was angry because I couldn't stop it. I'm, I'm so sorry Jason. If I'd have answered that call," Dick's voice gave out, as he struggled to fight the overwhelming emotions. 

"If you would have answered you could have been killed. Tim might have never found us."

"What about me?" Damian scowled, pulling back from his hand. Jason sighed, smirking. "You'd still be here."

"Right, but… Grayson would be gone? As would you and Tim? I… I can't see my life without your annoying presence," Damian mumbled, wiping his face. "I'm not leaking," he grumbled again, pressing into Dick.

Jason shook his head, "You guys have to go. There isn't much time left. Z's magic is gonna run out soon."

Tim grabbed his shirt, "Don't you dare Jason, you have to come back,  _ please _ ."

Jason grabbed his wrists, feeling then tremble beneath his grip "Tim. Let go."

  
  


"No, no, I won't lose you, I won't lose any of you, not again, please no," he whimpered, "You guys are family, I can't, can't," he repeated frantically, eyes shrinking in fear.

"Tim, you gotta stop, just breath," Jason said, handing him over to Dick, who had long since stopped his tears, he had none left to shed.

"Dick, I know, I'm sorry, I've screwed up. But for my sake? Get the hell out of here before you die too."

  
  


"Jason, you've grown so much. I sound so old, god, but you've come so far, and just… don't throw it away. Please? You have the rest of your life to live, to be loved. What if you become a father one day? I want to be the uncle to the coolest kids, please, Jason..."

"Don't die, Little Wing." Dick swallowed back the lump in his throat, nearly choking on his own muffled sobs.

The darkness slowly faded, Jason's frown did too. He was smiling, if it weren't for the situation, Dick would smile back. F aintly he felt something reaching for him, a voice…  _ Zatanna, not yet. _

"No, Jay, please, just take my hand. I'm sorry, I am. We need you, please… take my hand," he cried out, reaching into the light that kept growing around them. Jason shook his head, words fell out of his lips but went unheard as a defending buzz filled their ears.

"I'll see you on…" Jason's words died out as he faded into the light. Fuzzy warmth, dizzying light, Dick could feel the magic pulling them out of the mindscape  _ too soon. _

_ Too soon. _


	4. Group Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason... Is dead. What now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys, its very short. Hope you enjoy.

Dick gasped and sat up from the floor, white spots danced across his vision as the magic faded. Around him his brothers got up, Tim, Damian, but… wait.

Dick shot up, and there Jason lay, still stuck in his lifeless state. Tim kneeled beside him and tugged at him, "No no, Jason, don't go, please."

Zatanna panted as her magic faded, stumbling a bit she was caught by Dick. "What…?"

"I-I'm sorry, my magic was… too weak. I'm sorry Dick," she whispered, before closing her eyes, "So sorry." 

Dick eased her onto her feet, "Hey, it's okay… go home, Z. Get some rest." She went to protest but she saw the look in his eyes and knew he needed time to mourn.

Tim was still by his side, shaking the stiff body as his own body shook violently with sobs. "Don't you die on us, Jason,  _ please _ ." Tim turned to Dick, "We have to get him back, isn't there any way?" He turned to Damian, "Can we put him in the pit?"

"No," Dick yelled, before pulling back when he saw Tims expression. " _No_ , Tim. He's not going back there. Never again," Dick swore, kneeling beside him.

"But… he  _ can't  _ die. He…" Tim sniffled again, allowing the tears to stream down his face. Damian had remained quiet, carefully studying his brother's body. Cold, sunken cheeks. Any sign of life seemingly drained, no, this was not Jason.

"I… I never thought he would die again," Damian said quietly, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. "How could you?" He looked at Jason, filled with anger and disgust.

Dick felt a weight pressing down on him, suffocating him. What would they tell Bruce? And Alfred… Tim was just sobbing into Jason's chest now, and Dick felt awful. He had never seen how close the two had become, Dick was mostly oblivious to Tim, as he had been to Jason, which was not right. Tim deserved better.

Jason deserved better.

And now that he was dead, Dick could only blame himself for letting them slip so far. So… so far from each other that he couldn't find a reason to come back. Damian was raging, green eyes storming with bitterness and tears that ran hotly down his flushed cheeks.

"Curse you, Todd." He sneered vehemently. "How could you allow yourself to die? We saw all your pain, and we felt it, and you, coward! We went to save you! We wanted to save you, you idiot," Damian dropped to his knees and yanked at Jason's shirt, hardly able to lift the man.

"You cannot die, I forbid it," Damian cried angrily, tears blinding him as he clutched his shirt. He realized there was no use, and he let go of the shirt, wiping his tears away furiously. 

"I hate you. I barely knew you and I hated you. But you still put up with me. I hated you because Father always treasured your memory, and he still does. Stubborn ass he is, now I know where you get it from," Damian hissed at Jason, "But yet I cannot find myself without you in our lives. You and your stupid self. Foolish, idiotic, moron. How could you?" He said weakly, fighting to keep his glare from turning into more crying.

Tim took Damian's hand, this caught the boy off guard. Damian didn't pull away. He remained silent and let the tears fall off his cheeks. Dick held both in his arms, "I'm sorry. It's my fault," he said softly.

"I let this happen. It should have been me," he faltered, letting the tears slip down his cheeks. "It should have been me."

"The _hell_ , it should have." 

"God I'm going insane, I can hear him still," Tim mumbled tiredly before he shot out of Dick's arms.

" _ Jason?? _ " Tim screeched, gaining the other boy's attention. He let out a weak chuckle, his eyes held a vague gleam of life to them.

"In the flesh," he joked, before wincing as he tried to sit up, ending up on his elbows. It took him a moment to finally get a good look at his brothers, who were all red-eyed and teary.

"Are you crying?" He asked Damian incredulously. Damian sniffled, "No, never. I just got some dust in my eye."

Jason softened at that, "Man, I missed you, you little shit."

A moment passed before Damian grunted. "You as well… Jason."

"Tim, come on, don't tell me you wasted all those tears on me?" Jason punched his shoulder lightly, ruffling his hair. Tim sniffed, "No. Fine. Maybe. Okay yeah. You jerk, you know you're important to me."

Jason coughed a little and turned to Dick, who had been trying but failing to hide the joy and relief. Jason rolled his eyes, "Group hug?"

Dick nodded happily, gathering everyone together. It felt right, the four brothers back again, and they weren't losing each other ever.

"Group hug."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End~

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of maybe 5 chapters. Idk I'm yet. Hope you enjoyed it?
> 
> Iris~


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